Confidence & Competence
The Situation
Last week I attended a webinar that centered on how to better navigate face-to-face conversations at work. The content was twofold. Firstly, it covered how to more accurately read the individual(s) who may be sitting across from you (either virtually in Zoom rooms or in person), purely by more closely observing their physical and facial movements. Secondly, the presentation touched on best practices that naturally make any speaker look and sound more confident. The lecturer was Vanessa Van Edwards, a researcher and author who has spent years studying the behavioral patterns behind how people read each other, persuade one another, and build trust.
At the end of the presentation, I ended up thinking less about salary negotiation scripts or any body-posturing tactics, and more about the sound of my own voice.
As Van Edwards was moving through various research studies on how people signal competence, she shared something that offered big rewards in exchange for making a small shift. It was about the way we end our sentences.
What It Required
Here’s the pattern she described. When people introduce themselves and give their name, their title, their area of expertise, they sometimes let their voice rise at the end of the sentence. The words are statements, but the inflection has a little lilt that turns them into questions.
It sounds like this: “Hi, my name is Louise? I’m an English professor?” Or: “I’m here for an appointment? Last name Brown?”
You may have heard it many times in your life. You may have done it yourself. I’ve certainly done it in various situations. And unfortunately, research shows that speaking in this way immediately invites scrutiny from those who are listening.
To make her point, Van Edwards drew on data from a research project that studied how listeners responded to brief audio clips of several surgeons introducing themselves. (You can read more about it here and here.) In the study, voice clips from the surgeons were garbled so listeners could hear tone and pace but not identify actual words. Based on vocal quality alone, certain surgeons were consistently rated as more competent and trustworthy. Something they were doing with their voice was making them sound credible. Conversely, the surgeons who were rated as least competent-sounding were the ones whose voices asked rather than stated. Turns out, these individuals were also the ones who had the highest rate of malpractice lawsuits!
Based on survey responses, it was determined that most people tend to decide how confident someone is within the first 200 milliseconds(!) of hearing them speak. When a statement arrives sounding like a question, something changes in the listener’s thought. It moves them from receiving mode to judgment mode. Subconsciously, the listener slips into a state of inspection and evaluation: Why are they asking me that? Do they not know?
It all comes down to the tone of one’s voice.
What Changed in the Language
The sound of a question implies: I’m not sure you’ll accept this. There’s a degree of uncertainty that lingers in the air, as if to ask whether or not the other person believes you. And the listener, without fully processing why, responds accordingly.
This matters beyond the boardroom or the pitch meeting. It matters any time you open your mouth to introduce yourself, share an idea, or name the price of your work. If you sound like you’re asking about a number, as Van Edwards put it, you are telling the other person you’re not sure about the price you’ve quoted, and they shouldn’t be either.
The fix, as Van Edwards described it, is straightforward. Make a statement; don’t ask.
“I have an appointment. Last name Brown.” Or: “My name is Ryland. Ryland Grace. I’m a molecular biologist. I specialize in extremophile biology.” (IYKYK)
Now, there’s no upward lilt. The sound of a solid statement implies: I know this to be true.
Another point to consider is what this means as more of our communication is delivered through digital channels. While AI can generate an impressively-worded bio, or a well-structured pitch, it’s your voice that carries the message during those face-to-face discussions. The human voice, with all its capacity for steadiness, authority, and warmth, remains entirely yours to utilize. And wielding it successfully begins with something as small as how your sentence ends.
The Result
I’ve been paying attention to my own voice a bit more since that webinar, staying curious about how I present myself verbally and how I can do better. When I make a phone call, when I order at a restaurant, or drop by the local coffee shop… these are all instances where I can practice and flex that muscle.
Ideally, by being more aware and paying more attention, any unhelpful habits will begin to fade away.
On the Page
The foible of of asking questions rather than making statements sometimes shows up in the early drafts of film or TV scripts too. It signals that a character is reactive and unsure of themselves, consistently taking a back seat to others in the cast, instead of driving the narrative forward with purpose.
Part of what I do in editorial work is help writers find where the language could be stronger, and thereby make their characters stronger too. If that kind of work sounds useful for your own story draft, drop me a line. I take on a few select projects each month.
Parting Food for Thought
You’re invited to consider these questions as you move through your week.
Think of the last time you introduced yourself or named the price of your work. Did the tone of your voice sound confident, or uncertain?
What other qualities—such as peace, or high energy—might you want people to pick up on when they meet you, and how might you communicate that without using a lot of words?